My Script for the Viper Comics Talent Search

I wrote the following over a 10 day span for the Viper Comic talent search. The requirements were to write a 5 comic page script using existing comic book characters and do it in a generally acceptable format. I know I’ve accomplished the first two of those three things and am pretty sure about the last.

The announcement page indicated there would be opportunities for people who impressed them with their art or writing and that they would contact everyone. I haven’t heard back from them yet, but I’m posting this for you to enjoy.

The characters I’ve used are copyright and likely trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. Consider this a spec script akin to those written for television by those seeking entry to that world.

I’ve tried to recreate a representative format using as little code as possible.

20090825 Twitter Update from ViperComics: “For those anxiously awaiting for the viper talent search results… labor day weekend will be enlightening.”

PAGE ONE
(6 PANELS in 4 rows) PANELS 1 through 3 span the width of the page but form a single image broken into a triptych. PANELS 4 through 6 evenly divide the bottom row into thirds.

PANEL 1
JUBILEE sits atop a metal locker filled with propane tanks centered in the panel. Wires rise to an unseen ceiling on either side of her stringing something up. Above her head, barely in the panel, a row of boarded-up windows mostly block the night sky. One is busted open.

Jubilee wears a yellow jacket and a pair of stylish sunglasses pushed back on her head to control her mass of black hair. She’s holding a phone like she’s texting.

JUBILEE
Professor X says to say hello. So, they knock you out?

WOLVERINE
(from below)
Feels like Azaperone again.

JUBILEE
Again?

PANEL 2
WOLVERINE wearing a flannel shirt and jeans turns out to be what’s strung up like a swing. Wires sprout from between the two bones in his forearms and lower legs–one from each limb. Two more wires in the back of his hands bend the wrists back at 90˚ angles blocking his extended claws from retracting.

WOLVERINE
This ain’t my first puppet show. Gonna help me out here?

JUBILEE
(from above)
I already took out the four baddies. Gimme a sec.

WOLVERINE
There’ll be more.

PANEL 3
Three knocked out HYDRA AGENTS in green conclave-styled BDUs slump over tool benches and medical equipment. A FOURTH AGENT floats face up in a foot of water. Water drips from a slashed pipe onto two claw cut-out rings.

It’s finally clear Wolverine’s suspended in an interior room along the wall of a haphazardly appointed warehouse medical lab/machine shop.

PANEL 4
ZOOMED IN on Jubilee from the front texting (SFX: TEK-TEK-TEK.)

JUBILEE
Cut one head off…

PANEL 5
Wolverine HEAD ON. His arms and legs strain upward symmetrically like he’s parachuting. Jubilee, in profile, continues texting (SFX: TEK-TEK).

WOLVERINE
Tell me you ain’t texting Kitty.

PANEL 6
Same angle and action as Panel 4.

JUBILEE
Dude you got owned. This is going up on my Facebook page.

PAGE TWO
(8 PANELS) PANELS 1 through 6 form two rows of three panels each in the top half of the page. PANEL 7 INSETS into PANEL 8 which fills the lower half of the page.
PANEL 1

LOOKING DOWN through two wires in the foreground drawing focus because Jubilee’s sparking blobs (SFX: PAFF. VZHIM. ZZZIT.) of fireworks attack them. Below, arms raised and standing in water, Jubilee concentrates.

PANEL 2
Same as Panel 1 but no fireworks and Jubilee’s arms droop. Her concentration now disappointment.

JUBILEE
Too thin to focus on.

WOLVERINE
(off panel)
Have a look around.

PANEL 3
Jubilee sees the long handles of bolt cutters on a tool bench under a Hydra Agent.

JUBILEE
Ooo! Bolt cutters.

WOLVERINE
(off panel)
Big surprise. I’m hanging on wires.

PANEL 4
CLOSE UP of bolt cutters snipping (SFX: K-TANK) the first wire sprouting from the back of Wolverine’s right hand. The buckle along his palm makes it clear how he’s attached.

JUBILEE
(off panel)
Why not just wire cutters then?

WOLVERINE
(off panel)
Would I be here if these were regular wires?

PANEL 5
A WIDER VIEW including Jubilee’s hands on the bolt cutters snipping (SFX: K-TANK) Wolverine’s left hand free. In the background his right arm is still strung up but the hand and claws relax toward the ground.

JUBILEE
(off panel)
Adamantium?

WOLVERINE
(off panel)
Nope. Grade 5 titanium alloy. It’s cheaper and commercially available.

PANEL 6
A CLOSE UP similar to Panel 4 but the bolt cutters line up on the forearm wire this time. (SFX: K-TANK.).

JUBILEE
(off panel)
Of course. Cheaper. Commercially available. What’s the water?

WOLVERINE
(off panel)
Maybe there was a fight.

PANEL 7
(INSET of PANEL 8) Wolverine’s freed right hand swipes (SFX: SHINK!) the remaining left arm wire.

JUBILEE
(from Panel 8)
Uh?

PANEL 8
Wolverine pendulums down on the two leg wires, clangs (SFX: THUNK!) his head on a metal workbench, and ends hanging head down in the water near the Fourth Agent.

JUBILEE
OMG!

PAGE THREE
(6 PANELS) PANELS 1, 5, and 6 span the width of the page making up three of four rows. PANELS 2 through 4 evenly divide the second row into thirds. Similar to Page 1 but with the second and fourth rows swapped.

PANEL 1
WIDE on an urban neighborhood bar named THE SNAKE PIT and its accompanying side alley. A motorcycle with sidecar loiters in front of the bar this evening.
Two dumpsters and a parked car line the alley. The light above the bar’s side entrance silhouettes Wolverine halfway deep. One hand on the wall props him up the other helps him aim.

PANEL 2
Waist-up profile of Wolverine leaning. He faces the wall but his eye peers out of the page in anticipation. He sniffs (SFX: SNIFF?).

WOLVERINE
‘Bout time.

PANEL 3
Still from the waist up but facing away from the wall, Wolverine has turned to face his unseen attacker. His arms are angled equally as if he’s just grasped his zipper after finishing up. A single TRANQUILIZER DART sticks out from his chest above a breast pocket. He glances at it.

WOLVERINE
Really?

PANEL 4
Same as Panel 3 but Wolverine’s right arm is slightly higher than the left–all zipped up. Darts riddle his chest so thickly the shirt beneath is hidden.

WOLVERINE
(trickling off letters)
Better.

PANEL 5
FROM ABOVE the HYDRA SQUAD LEADER’S head looking toward the ground Wolverine lays front first on the cracked asphalt. His head, right shoulder, arm, and claws sprawl diagonally in the panel. The Squad Leader’s dark green boot crushes Wolverine’s wrist. His grappling-spear gun bursts into Wolverine’s hand (SFX: CHANK!).

PANEL 6
A series of “Chanks” (SFX: CHANK. CHANK. CHANK. CHANK…) crisply but subtly form the border between Panels 5 and 6.

FROM ROOFTOP height the darkening alley looks like a rectangular box. Glow from the bar’s neon sign lights up Wolverine’s motorcycle out front. The semi-circular shape of light from the side entrance balances the semi-circular ring of THIRTEEN HYDRA AGENTS and the Hydra Squad Leader surrounding Wolverine.

Umbilical-like wires from each of their grappling-spear guns connect the Hydra Agents to their prey. Several hover slightly above the rest on jetpack blasts ready to hoist him away.

PAGE FOUR
(6 PANELS) PANELS 1 through 3 evenly divide the top row into thirds. Panels 4 through 6 span the width of the page making up the last three of four rows.

PANEL 1
Wolverine hangs by both leg wires while Jubilee stands on the workbench hurriedly snipping (SFX: T-KANK.) the right one.

WOLVERINE
(drowning letters)
Gurgle.

PANEL 2
Jubilee snips (SFX: T-KANK.) the final wire and Wolverine drops to the floor.

PANEL 3
CLOSE ON Wolverine sitting in water pulling the last wire from his leg and jeans. He stares at the two cut-out pipe rings. Jubilee is just a pair of legs–nice boots!

JUBILEE
(stress on first word)
Maybe there was a fight?

WOLVERINE
Probably there was a fight.

PANEL 4
The Fourth Agent sprawls face up on floor with Wolverine pulling what may be a Zippo-style lighter out of the man’s utility pocket. The arrangement mimics Page 3, Panel 5. Jubilee’s boots beside the two men being a new addition to the cast.

WOLVERINE
Ready for the ten outside?

JUBILEE
(off panel)
Are we looting them too?

WOLVERINE
You take three on the left. I’ll get the other seven.

JUBILEE
(off panel)
Whatever. Stand back old man.

PANEL 5
From the rafters of the outside warehouse the lab door swings open (SFX: WHAM!) revealing Jubilee and Wolverine (SFX: SNIKT). Some water spills out over their ankles. Jubilee flings a flash-bang (SFX: KRRACK!) of fireworks into the room illuminating only eight surprised Hydra Agents and their long shadows. One is the Squad Leader.

JUBILEE
Close, eight. Let’s not kill anyone, K?

PANEL 6
Jubilee and Wolverine in the thick of the fight make their way across the warehouse floor from the lab to the exit door.

Jubilee flashes (SFX: FIZZT. SSSPAK.) two Hydra Agents with a third collapsed at her feet. Three more lay in Wolverine’s wake–flat out, fetal, and on his knees puking. Claws out, Wolverine grasps the shoulders of Hydra Seven and knees him in the guts (SFX: WHUD!) and off his feet.

The Squad Leader blocks their exit.

JUBILEE
I think Pukey dropped his wallet.

WOLVERINE
I wasn’t looting.

PAGE FIVE
(7 PANELS) Same as Page 3 but with PANEL 2 INSET into PANEL 1. PANELS 1, 6, and 7 span the width of the page making up three of four rows. PANELS 3 through 5 evenly divide the second row into thirds.

PANEL 1
FROM BEHIND Wolverine’s claws extend the range of his outreaching arms–the hug of death pose–as he shields Jubilee from gunfire. Over Wolverine’s shoulder Jubilee sees the Squad Leader fire his weapon (SFX: BAM!).

WOLVERINE
Grrrr.

PANEL 2
(INSET of PANEL 1) CLOSE UP of the bullet impacting (SFX: THUNK!) Wolverine’s shoulder from the front. Over his shoulder Jubilee’s whole body expresses surprise.

PANEL 3
CLOSE UP the Squad Leader’s angry face fills most of the panel while Wolverine’s claw and fist approach impact. The sound of his claws retracting spans this panel and Panels 4 and 5 (SFX: SN…).

PANEL 4
Milliseconds after Panel 3 Wolverine’s fist closes in on the Squad Leader’s face but the tips of his claws don’t get closer (SFX: …AA…).

PANEL 5
Milliseconds after that Wolverine’s bare fist, claws fully retracted, wallops (SFX: K-THUD.) the Squad Leader’s face (SFX: …KT!).

WOLVERINE
And my count wasn’t off.

PANEL 6
Outside on the loading dock, still in the doorway Hydra Nine and Jubilee are equally surprised as she flashes (SFX: POP! POP! POW!) him in the face. Wolverine slams the door hard and fast enough (SFX: WHAM!) that only Hydra Ten’s hand and part of his arm stick out from behind.

WOLVERINE
Sentries make it ten. The guy pinched my lighter a couple months back.

PANEL 7
WIDER from across the dock’s loading area Hydras Nine and Ten are out cold. Jubilee is jaw-droppingly incredulous. And Wolverine is down the steps, lighting a cigar, and headed out.

JUBILEE
This was all a set-up? Your set-up?

WOLVERINE
Yup. And some training for you.

JUBILEE
What am I a n00b?

WOLVERINE
Let’s get my scoot. I hooked up the side car for you.

JUBILEE
I guess you are the best at what you do.

WOLVERINE
Yup.

4 Replies to “My Script for the Viper Comics Talent Search”

  1. Even though I’ve submitted this and subsequently not heard back (yet?) I’d love to get more feedback on the piece.

    I’ve been in some pretty ruthless critique groups so please don’t hesitate to be honest and comprehensive. I’m not the type to take it personally; I’m the type to take it constructively.

    If you’re unfamiliar with the comic script format just comment on the parts of the story you did understand.

  2. May I ask first, how old are you? The dialogue feels as if it is written by an older person as how they think teenagers sound. It’s very unrealistic and forced. Especially in the use of “OMG” by the character. I know this is a comic, and ‘realism’ is out of the window, but this dialogue makes it stilted.

    The rest is an interesting read. The panel layout is interesting, and the descriptions are concise but with enough detail for an artist to make use of. Overall, the story isn’t that enticing, and the use of Jubilee with her powers [which she lost during Decimation] kind of subtracts from the interest. I think it shows potential, but you’re not quite there yet.

    But keep up the good work!

  3. Chris J,

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read this post. For many the format is tough enough to read and still critique the story. I especially appreciate you taking the additional time commenting.

    I wish I’d had you as a reader prior to my submission. I had a variety of ages and backgrounds but I didn’t leave anyone all that much time.

    You’re the first to find–and mention–the dialogue troublesome and stilted. Bad dialogue is certainly not a good characteristic of a comic script. I can’t say that I see it the same way you do. I think if anything I tried to hyper-Jubilee Jubilee and may not have needed as much mallrat as I gave her in such a short span of pages. My first re-read of this in a month makes me feel I’m trying to get a little sass in her on every scene rather than letting some scenes play flat, some sharp, but most in tune.

    Viper only specified I use existing characters. There was no requirement to use existing in their current incarnation. I’m being purposefully anachronistic with cell phones and Facebook and the dialogue you didn’t like. I pulled 90s Jubilee out of mothballs. The yellow jacket and her original powers were supposed to stand as evidence of that.

    Then overall it’s not that enticing? You sure know how to make a one-two punch. There’s plenty of reason for this to not be good but I would have at least thought it wasn’t that bad. Hopefully Viper has a different take. Aside from the dialogue and the non-decimation Jubes was there something else that didn’t work? The premise? The gap in how he’s captured? How she knows to be there after he’s trapped? My use of stock villains? Pacing?

    I’m glad you found the panel descriptions suitable. My worry is that I heavy-handed the panel stuff. I’ve read conflicting suggestions on how instructive to be. I tried to match the sample script’s style of paneling.

    I hope you’ll swing by for more of my writing here at 1000 Days. I hardly ever take up too much of anyone’s time.

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