Thirteen More Scenes Go Off Their Diet

Day 442

Yes. I coulda did this Saturday or Sunday. I didn’t.

  1. [snip]
  2. Malachi gathering help to battle dragon – Pretending I didn’t have a slightly better version of this below, I’ll say that I don’t know what I had in mind here at all. I do think that taking a dragon down requires help in the form of enginuity and strength. In stories it’s one guy that does the deed, but those stories are always in other stories and always in the past. I’m familiar with very little first-hand dragon slaying.
  3. Finding out if dragon is metaphor or literal-ish – When I concocted the logline I wrote dragon so that it would sound menacing and immenant. In my original thinking I just had another mage. Also, this isn’t really a scene. But maybe the dragon is able to transform into a human. Being able to would facilitate a number of plot elements that involved disguise or just plain getting around town.
  4. Daughter having complications – Nothing special hear I suppose. Once I work out the nature and source of her conditional I’ll need to worsen it to increase the tension and the pace. I’ll have to wait to determine if the complication will be merely a heavy beat of the clock reminding us she’s still out there needing help or if it will be some outside influence jamming the dial closer tot he bell. The first option might do well as an environmental element inserted frequently along the way where the later could be a real plot point.
  5. Dragon directly threatening daughter – Taled about this earlier int he sense that the dragon may be the source of her condition. If not, I’d like to demonstrate the dragon actively attacking Malachi’s reason to hunting it down i the first place. The dragon is going to be doing all it can to win as well. It will even be doing it from a place of preparation not from a place of desperation like Malachi.
  6. Mentor divulging secret to unraveling magic – this probaby needs to be done twice. Once in the safety of the mage confines—where disguised dragon might overhear parts—and a second time to the dragon under duress. The first sets the stage for the whole thing the later really drives the screws home with Malachi’s agenda. The unraveling will need to be something substantial. Something the dragon could learn about and then have to setup. Unraveling can’t be just pulling a trigger unless Malachi is able to reverse it. Or unless Malachi isn’t looking to stop the dragon but to thwart him via reversal.
  7. Escaped Malachi hounded by police – Malachi simply cannot get out of prison without police hunting him down afterward. This may be the hardest part of what I have to do. Not making their involvement to flat or too round.
  8. Malachi committing crime – Flashback or dialogue but probably not real time. I’m thinking I’d rather not have this be a dubious sort of crime where the reader sees that Malachi was truly serving justice. TO keep Malachi gritty I think this needs to be a straightup crime type crime. But not too crimey.
  9. Malachi being sentenced – Meh. Drop this.
  10. Malachi chatting with lawyer – You can see I was getting repetative and desperate at this point in my list. This could certainly come to play in the normal course of events but it may be fine as part of a propelling dialogue as well. “I talked to my lawyer and he said…”
  11. Mentor teaching Malachi – These guys need to have some interaction prior to the big events of the story transpiring. And potentially prior to his mentor’s degrading condition. I’ll need to learn up on Alzheimer’s and maybe use some magic to make him lucid as needed. Maybe not teaching but talking about his illness prior to Malachi being imprisoned. “When you get out, I’ll be gone…” Maybe the Mentor prepares for this somehow.
  12. Dragon attacking police chasing Malachi – This was in the movie scene thinking. Using it still works for a book of course, but I like the idea of our scrappy hero trapped between trying to hunt the dragon while bhimself being hunted by the police. Since the dragon wont care who gets killed all that much it will attack both with impunity.
  13. Malachi convincing police to help him battle dragon – Which naturally makes it easier for Malachi to enlist the aide of the police in hunting down the dragon. Let’s work together to kill the dragon then we can work out our issues with my escape. Plus this feels scrappy.
  14. Dragon beginning the process to unravel magic – I can’t decide if unraveling magic should be facile or laborious. If it’s laborious then it could become part of the plotting of the dragon. If its facile then it could contribute well to the tension of the last part of the story.
  15. Malachi discovering that unraveling magic will do more that threaten just his daughters life – FATTEN
  16. Discovering why/how magic supports his daughters continued life – FATTEN
  17. Dragon capturing mentor – FATTEN
  18. Mentor in captivity – FATTEN
  19. Malachi communicating with mentor somehow – FATTEN
  20. Prisonyard brawl to characterize Malachi – FATTEN

Time ran out before I addressed the last five.  I’ll look for time before the end of the day.  I want to be done with this exercise before tomorrow.

Nine of Yesterday’s Scenes Get Into the Purple Box of Samoas

Sticking with my two day trend I’m going to put yesterday’s list of scenes on a all Girl Scout cookie diet to fatten them up . At least some of them.

  1. Malachi breaking out of jail – Really, the only dramatic way to get out of prison when you need out is to escape. I’ll need to have him use magic and I’ll need to make this hard enough to be enjoyable but not so hard that it takes over the story. It seems too cliche to couple his encarseration with some self-imposed prison. Maybe its just a matter of the magical hurdle being high enough and the thought of unneccessarily being a fugitive that keeps him patient. Or maybe he’s in prison because he’s located a magic practicioner there he wants to learn from.
  2. Malachi learning his daughter is ill – The classic prison visit scene or a letter or a magical missive delivered mysteriously? I’ve got several good options here and should consider the plot implications of each before chosing. Depends on how I want the middle to play out: buddy cop team up with daughter or lone wolf. Or how I may want to gouge Malachi with betrayal. Or how badly.
  3. Malachi put into jail – I’m leaning toward him already imprisoned at the start to avoid the cliche entry thing and to avoid dead words. Flashbacks could cover any required backstory though I don’t imagine there needs to be that much. He starts in prison; ’nuff said.
  4. Daughter becoming ill|poisoned|injured – How and why this happens will deeply characterize the story I think. I’m not prepared to consider the ways and reason right now, but I don’t think this choice is trivial.
  5. Daughter and Malachi face to face in visiting room. – If I don’t put her in front of the reader I’m going to have a harder time eliciting sympathy for her cause. I don’t have to put her literally in the front. She could be heavily in Malachi’s musings or correspondance. I like the idea of her being literally in front though and maybe even coerced to be there. Brought or sent along by threat to convince her father to break out. Or to just plain taunt him. Mor practically to simply convey the message that she’s ill and needs help. Some how Malachi’s got to learn that.
  6. The clockwork spider appearing to Malachi in his cell – Left over from the original exercise. Could be a mundane appearance at this point. Something cameo in nature or could be instrumental in some cases: unlocking cuffs, surveillance, delivering keys. Maybe the spider ends up as a familiar. I can picture it trying to drag a heavier than itself gun for some reason.
  7. Malachi pleading with warden/lawyer – It seems reasonable that Malachi might try to get out of jail on some sort of pass. Maybe his crime is minor enough for such things, but I’m pretty sure the reality of such things is that they don’t let you out once you’re in. But maybe his parole is coming up soon and he tries to hasten its arrival using her illness as leverage. Written well this could amp the tension but I’m not sure I’ve got the interest or ability to do it that well. Looks research heavy.
  8. Malachi battling dragon – Duh. Need to consider the best course for this: braun or brain? Braun with a little brain has a strong cinematic smell to it.
  9. Mentor being abducted – Backstory? Maybe this is a late story complication. I got out of jail, found the dragon, and now I have to rescue my mentor? WTF? Probably not. Like the imprisonment this needs to ride the line of tense but not motivating enough to escape prison. Maybe Malachi believes his mentor relatively safe but gets increasingly worrisome information that compounds when he learns of his daughter’s need.
  10. Malachi gathering help to battle dragon – FATTEN
  11. Finding out if dragon is metaphor or literal-ish – FATTEN
  12. Daughter having complications – FATTEN
  13. Dragon directly threatening daughter – FATTEN
  14. Mentor divulging secret to unraveling magic – FATTEN
  15. Escaped Malachi hounded by police – FATTEN
  16. Malachi committing crime – FATTEN
  17. Malachi being sentenced – FATTEN
  18. Malachi chatting with lawyer – FATTEN
  19. Mentor teaching Malachi – FATTEN
  20. Dragon attacking police chasing Malachi – FATTEN
  21. Malachi convincing police to help him battle dragon – FATTEN
  22. Dragon beginning the process to unravel magic – FATTEN
  23. Malachi discovering that unraveling magic will do more that threaten just his daughters life – FATTEN
  24. Discovering why/how magic supports his daughters continued life – FATTEN
  25. Dragon capturing mentor – FATTEN
  26. Mentor in captivity – FATTEN
  27. Malachi communicating with mentor somehow – FATTEN
  28. Prisonyard brawl to characterize Malachi – FATTEN

Felt like I got further than nine while i was thinking.  Oh well.  More later.

Twenty-eight Scenes

Without magic Malachi’s daughter will die. He must escape from a Texas prison and rescue his senile mentor from a dragon before that dragon extracts the man’s secret to unravel and destroy all magic.

I think this needs more work along the lines of yesterday’s exercise, but I’ll table that for today’s different exercise. Not before saying that I’d still like to clean up all the character references via pronoun and I think it’s important I find a smooth way to do more than imply Malachi is a mage. I’m not even certain I’ve implied that here.

I can pretend that I have stated his mage-itity. And will. My next step is to get some scenes from the above. I’m tackling this like my one-minute drill: no time; no filter.

  1. Malachi breaking out of jail
  2. Malachi learning his daughter is ill
  3. Malachi put into jail
  4. Daughter becoming ill/poisoned/injured
  5. Daughter and Malachi face to face in visiting room.
  6. The clockwork spider appearing to Malachi in his cell
  7. Malachi pleading with warden/lawyer
  8. Malachi battling dragon
  9. Mentor being abducted
  10. Malachi gathering help to battle dragon
  11. Finding out if dragon is metaphor or literal-ish
  12. Daughter having complications
  13. Dragon directly threatening daughter
  14. Mentor divulging secret to unraveling magic
  15. Escaped Malachi hounded by police
  16. Malachi committing crime
  17. Malachi being sentenced
  18. Malachi chatting with lawyer
  19. Mentor teaching Malachi
  20. Dragon attacking police chasing Malachi
  21. Malachi convincing police to help him battle dragon
  22. Dragon beginning the process to unravel magic
  23. Malachi discovering that unraveling magic will do more that threaten just his daughters life
  24. Discovering why/how magic supports his daughters continued life
  25. Dragon capturing mentor
  26. Mentor in captivity
  27. Malachi communicating with mentor somehow
  28. Prisonyard brawl to characterize Malachi

I’ll not stretch that exercise too much further.  I think I had a couple repeats in there and a few that aren’t scenes as much as they are situations.

Part of my trouble is that I never meant for this to be a prison break situation and now it is.  I like that.  I’m just not certain how to write it up with much credibility.  I need to do research or find a plausible way to truncate the prison portion of the plot.

I’ve got time left on my so-called hour to flirt with number four.

  • Daughter becoming ill/poisoned/injured

At the start of yesterday this element wasn’t an element.  Now it’s crucial.  At that time I’d just considered her need for magic in the sense that she needs the existence of magic to be alive–like air.  While that gives the story a mysterious larger world quality her mana-like dependence on magic doesn’t lend much immediacy to the story.  However, I’d rather not have her injured and laid up in bed–at least not at first.  If I put her in a bed then I need to create a intermediary to inform Malachi and that kneecaps the potance of the relationship.  Maybe she has a magic injury he can sense.