Never Endings

I read a writers suggestion on how to flesh out a novel synopsis: write the opening scene one day, the ending scene the next, fill in the major plot points each of the next few days. He may have suggested additional assignements on subsequent days. I zoned out after a bit so I’ll never know.

I drifted from his instructions because I got to thinking about endings. I don’t write them.

Jackson slapped shave-and-haircut on the metal roof of his car and slid in behind the wheel. I ducked to see him through the passenger’s side. Without thinking, I tapped two-bits on the sun-dried molding of the car door.

“Up or down?” I reached inside for the handle.

“Leave it.”

“This isn’t good-bye,” I said.

Jackson turned halfway to me and leaned over like he was driving and keeping one eye on the road or like a blind person looking with his ears–eyes drifting into space. I wanted to lean in. I wanted to touch his face. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to make him believe me when I said it, so I said it again. “This isn’t good-bye.”

He chunked the handle on the steering column to D. His foot became heavy on the pedal, and I felt the car moving forward taking my arms with it for a while and pivoting my boots in the gravel. I recalled the agonizing sound when the wind rises from a different direction than the fan on a windmill already rests.

The sound of slow tires on a gravel road broke my heart.

272 words on day 595

Rhoda Interview III

“Thanks for you patience, Rhoda. I hadn’t expected to interview for several days and still not be done. Question four: is one sense more highly developed than another?” I ask.

“I think I hear quite well. In crowds I never have trouble hearing voices I focus on. I see some people cup their ears in a market to hear better.” She demonstrates. “I never have to do that. Same with kegshops.”

“I do that in bars all the time.”

“Bars?”

“Uh, what you’d call a kegshop. I hear everything fine. I just can’t sort it out.” I check my notes for the next question. Something ought to be good in here…”Here we go. Do you usually notice problems around you?”

She looks at me then cocks her head slightly, so I repeat the question. She interupts, “I heard.” She shifts her weight in the chair to sit straighter. Her finger tip strokes the contour of the dagger’s sheath, but she never looks down. “No. No, not really.” She nods while answering negatively, so I know she’s partly lying.

“That can’t be true.” I call her bluff but lead in with some flattery before she can deny it again, “A smart woman like you can certainly sense how others feel and guess something of their motives or intentions?”

“I want to say yes, but I don’t think I’m good enough at that yet to sure.”

“OK. Fair enough. Would you say you are an optimist or a pessimist?”

“Pessimist for sure. The youngest sees too much coming down not to think it’ll be bad before it gets good. If it gets good.”

“Are you more interested in the past, the future or living in the now?”

She puffes air like she might blow away a fly. “Right now’s fine for me.”

“How do you decide if you can trust someone?”

“We share the same mother.”

I leave the air quiet. I don’t glance to my notes. I pretend she has more to say…and she does.

“I suppose their are other people I trust in different ways. Or maybe should trust more, but for now family will do just fine.”

“OK. That usually works out to be true.”

“You don’t think?”

I shrug. I don’t want to give away that I’m thinking of some authorial way to fuck her over now that she’s said that. “I think everyone has their own agenda. I think that in families that’s usually down the same sort of path, its easy to be trusting. There’s not much conflict, but I also think in families it’s easy to take minor differences of opinion too personally. Actions you might forgive your friends for you won’t family.”

“OK,” she says. She doesn’t believe me. Crap, this’ll be too easy I think.

“Are you a deliberate, careful speaker, or do you talk without thinking first?”

“I say what I feel. Sometimes I temper that. I’m told I should try harder, but can’t understand the point of it.”

506 words on day 594