Day 114: Oh, You Were Wondering

I’ve defended you against a number of poor false starts in order to deliver you this instead…

I’m looking at two red ball caps with the University of Oklahoma logo embroidered on them in the thickly threaded style you’re seeing alot these days.

“Can you tell the difference?” the sales guy asks. I don’t recall his name but he’ll mention it at least two more times and give me his card so I don’t really have to bother. He’s a local boy by the haircut and the poorly made over twang. He’s unusually invested in the pitch. I bet he’s the owner too.


“Put this one on.” He picks it up an hands it to me to try on. Obviously this is the one he’s selling and the other is the original. I don’t immediately notice anything, so whatever it is his companies done, they’ve done it well.


“Now try on the other.” The second is lighter. Maybe, softer in the drape of the dome. Negligible.

He’s smiling. He knows I can tell but that it’s not enough of a difference to matter. In his head, he’s boxing up a gross or more of these with my address on the shipping label.

It doesn’t show on my face that he’s got me curious, but he does. You don’t comparison sell anything unless you’re trying to be just like the competitor and aren’t. You’re hiding something: price, materials, workmanship.


“A little steep at our lowest minimum order. A buck fifty over these guys. But with price breaks at one and five thousand you get within twenty cents.” He’s hoping I like the honesty on the low end, but I don’t. They do this shit all the time to up sell you on the counts. They keep doing it ’cause it works so I can’t blame them much.

I pick up the heavier one and crush the bill to suit my tastes. He’ll let me have this one to keep so I might as well get it broken in.


“You can’t guess? Come on. Guess.” He’s over sells a bad pitch because he’s not gotten a better one yet. Which means he hasn’t sold any of these. I have to know why.


“Ahright. I’ll tell ya.” I knew he’d turn country on my eventually. I must look like someone that would bite. “They’re lined with a titanium mesh specially designed to foil the NSA’s brain reading equipment.”

“Ah hell. Get out.”

Word count: 428