Thinking About Running Back

An artist draws when she puts pen to paper. Any line—the first one, the next one, any one—becomes a part of the scene. That line may have begun as calestenics for the wrist and fingers or it may have been deliberate, but the artist incorporates it in the end. Even when they don’t include the first line, they sketch around it reducing it’s impact and rendering inconsequential. Each stroke and overstroke, each tick and bend, each smudge and erasure contributes.

A writer must edit their lines. They must excise false starts. They must hide away their practice. Even from themselves.

And then they must talk out of their asses.

Over the weekend I heard a bit of a pre-game radio show. The hosts interviewed a college football player who’d injured his ankle and stayed out of a couple of game. The young man attributed his return to hard work, prayer, and the influence of God on his doctors. He said that God spoke to the people involved in his recovery. God told them how best to care for him in order to get him back on the field. The player considered what a life without football might mean to him, but not seriously because he had faith God would restore his ankle. Today he would play!

I guess I’m cynical.

I think we’ve all heard this story in one form or another. This version avoided the he’ll-never-walk-again cliché, in fact, it’s brief freshness derived from it’s understatement, but I had no doubt of the outcome and not much real interest along the way.

I guess I’m cynical.

I’m glad his story is common enough that he’ll never recognize what I’ve made of it. Or, maybe I’m glad his story is common enough that the story I have made of it will resonate with many players and fans. (Please note, I’ve not made a story. I’ve only so far had an idea I’ve not fleshed out). I wrote the logline in the shower or the rest of the drive home.

A skilled and savvy Oklahoma football player pretends to be a Christian to garner favor with fans and friends until he meets a coach who sees right through him…and doesn’t care.

A nice challenge I’ve thrown myself here since I barely know anything about either. Or at least I know what anyone might know from being on the outside of both. I know plenty well what being Christian is, but I don’t have the appropriate appreciation for it I’d need to write this story well. I don’t know what it means to proselytize or to blame all my successes on God. I don’t see how this story could be good without a better understanding of football than I hold right now. For me football is still a little like playing the slots; hiking the ball is like jacking the lever.

I like the several juxtapositions. I think he’d have to know more about Christianity to fake it than he would to be it. He’d need a reason to fall out with religion which would look like the reason he fell in. He’d have to have a stage to play on but look humble going about it. He have to feel contempt for the marks (fans, friends, fellow—but not fake—Christians) yet come off as genuine. Then he’d need a compelling reason to turn it all around personally. The story fails if he doesn’t face his sham publicly. Get denounced and never regain his credibility. Or only regain it through hard fought battle.

599 words on day 577

Like Halloween But Not

There is really no way this is going to work. The keyboard is all over the place and the sound echoes oddly. And it’s bullshit steam of consciousness writing about the physicality of typing. Meta of meta.

Nanowrimo starts tomorrow and everyone who writes thinks about it tonight in one way or another or another. The pros I’m sure call bullshit amonst themselves, but publicly some bother to help us amateurs out with tips and thoughts and encouragement and mild but not emphatic endorsement of our efforts. I say our because I’m not a pro not because I’m participating.

I call bullshit too.

Do I write crap here and call it sufficient? Yes. Have I participated in Nano? Yes. Have I completed it–or God help me–won it? No. I can’t do it. I don’t have the organization or time or personal fortitude to do it. I can’t write 1667 words a day. Just plain can’t.

I’m unprepared. I don’t write quickly. I agonize over lines. I don’t know that I get caught up in what’s gone before as much as I stumble over what’s coming up, but both plague me.

When I know I’m writing trash, when I know that my time spent in front of the computer produces words which I will cut later, I stop. I ask myself why I would continue. I ask if I should turn around. If I should erase it all and start over. Many times I do start over because there is often no reason to let those words see the light of day. There is no reason because those words don’t represent me.

If I take the time to tap away at this keyboard I’d like the results to please me. When I find myself using passive voice or staggeringly poor comma placement I feel it. I fix it. (You know, when I notice I’m feeling it). That’s how I get better, by not letting myself accept crap writing (again, when I notice). Christ, if I detect a string of meager verbs or a chunky clunky sentence stumbling like a drunk in a ditch then God help the rest of you who read this crap.

Especially this this crap.

It’s Sunday, so I absolve myself for these weekly heavings and hope I got the commas right.

Maybe if I mention Nanowrimo again in the last paragraph it won’t be as obvious I drifted off my original point.

405 words on day 576

Not Nano

I was wondering if this [750words.com] would work on my iPhone. I guess so.

750 Words turns out to be handier than I’d expected. Though on the phone I don’t appear to have picked up the settings changes I made which turned the background black and the foreground amber. Plus tipping to landscape to widen the view has had the opposite effect and now I get a bit of a typewriter line feed effect at the end of each line. Tap tap tap ziiiiiiiii- ing!

Maybe the color settings are cookie-based. Or maybe the phone sees this as a huge text box?

Scrolling upbto the top doesn’t reveal a menu to make changes so I’m going to guess: giant text box.

My plan such that it is for November remains unmade. I’m definitely not doing Nano. That much is certain. I like the idea of a challenge but I’m not up for one that stresses such a wordcount goal over a craft goal. And I just don’t have the time or style if writing speed or habit to compete. I will be writing each day. I haven’t decided if I will begin posting only weekly though.

My reluctance to posting weekly is that doing so will be harder than what I’m doing now. That it will necessarily require quality output come posting day. Perhaps it is long past time I blended quality with output? Another lighter concern blocking the weekly plan is the high chance of me cycling and recycling through a post all week and blessing it as ‘the good one’ come Sunday. You would never know!

267 words on day 575